Name It. See It. Change It.

Last week, I offered a guided tour through The Wild and The Wise. I grouped the work I’ve written so far into three paths:

The Gospel of the Feminine

Change That Actually Sticks

The Emotional Landscape of Healing

On the surface, those paths may look different, but underneath them all is the same framework. Something I’ve been using in my writing long before I ever named it clearly.

So this week, I want to step into that framework more intentionally, because I think it gives you a new way to move through what I’ve already written. It gives you a lens as well as a structure. If you choose to go back and revisit the earlier posts, you’ll be able to read them not as separate pieces of content, but as a pathwork you can actually work with.

What we’re looking at here are three pillars that live inside each blog post: language, awareness, and action.

Most of the time, I begin with language. I start by naming what’s happening. I name the habit, patterns, feelings, perspectives. and the misunderstandings that tend to hide underneath the topic we’re talking about.I start there for a reason: because language is where we draw understanding. It’s where something that can feel chaotic begins to organize itself. It’s where the internal landscape stops being a blur and starts becoming something we can actually see.

From there, I move into awareness. This is usually where the reflective prompts come in, where I ask you to journal, meditate, or simply sit with what you’re noticing. Because awareness is like turning on a light in a dark room. It makes things clearer and helps you see what’s been operating in the background (maybe without your consent). Once something is brought into awareness, it becomes much harder to stay stuck in it unconsciously.

Finally, we move into action. Because understanding isn’t enough on its own. Being able to explain something isn’t the same as being able to live differently. Action is the point where we ask: What do I do with this information? How does this move me forward in a meaningful way? What is one small, sustainable step that turns insight into change?

I’m going to go into each of these more deeply below, but that is the basic idea of what I’ve been building here all along: a rhythm that starts with naming, moves into seeing, and then becomes change you can actually carry into real life.

Language: Why Naming Comes First

The reason I always start with language is because while we have all been taught how to speak, most of us were never taught how to speak from a place of power. This part can be difficult to explain, because on the surface it sounds obvious. We all know words. We all learned how to talk at a very young age. But knowing words and being able to use language in a meaningful way are two very different things.

The best way I can describe this is through the idea of literacy.

Literacy is more than being able to read words on a page. It’s not just recognizing letters or sounding something out. True literacy means understanding the words within their context. It means being able to grasp what is being communicated beneath the surface.

For example, we can read a sentence like, “On that day, the cat wore a blue hat.” Reading the words is one thing. Understanding what it might mean, that the cat wore a blue hat because it was a special day or to express sadness, is something else entirely. That deeper understanding is literacy.

Language works the same way.

Many people work incredibly hard to be heard. They want their feelings to be understood. They want their experiences to land with the people around them. But they struggle because they were never taught how to express themselves in a way that can actually be received. This is where language becomes a form of emotional literacy. This is where I want to be very clear about something I say often, and will continue to say often:

Every emotion is valid. It’s what we do with it that matters.

Anger, for example, is a valid emotion. Feeling angry does not make you wrong or broken. But yelling at someone or using words with the intention to harm is not acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, many of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that this is what anger looks like. That this is how it gets expressed.

So the work of language is not about suppressing emotion. It’s about learning how to honor the emotion while also expressing it in a way that is constructive rather than destructive. That begins with identification.

• Can you identify what you’re actually feeling?

• Can you label the emotion rather than acting it out?

• Can you name what you are experiencing or perceiving in the moment instead of letting it spill out sideways?

This is higher-level thinking. This is emotional literacy, andd without it, everything else becomes much harder.

When we lack language, emotions stay tangled and overwhelming. When we have language, something begins to organize. We can separate feeling from behavior. We can distinguish between reaction and response. We can slow the moment down enough to choose what comes next.

This is why language always comes first. Because until we can name what is happening inside of us, we don’t actually have anything solid to work with.

Awareness: Understanding the Context Beneath the Feeling

Once we have language, once we can say this is how I’m feeling and this is what I’m perceiving, the next step is awareness.

Awareness is that deeper inner knowing. It’s the ability to identify the patterns and cycles that keep us stuck, rather than just reacting to what’s happening on the surface. Language gives us words. Awareness teaches us how and why those words show up when they do.

This is where I want to return to the idea of literacy again.

Literacy isn’t just knowing what words say. It’s understanding what they mean within their context. Emotional literacy works the same way. It’s not only about being able to name an emotion, but about understanding that emotion within the context of your own inner landscape.

So when something happens that triggers an emotional response, awareness asks a different question. Instead of stopping at what am I feeling, awareness asks: Why do I react the way that I do?

I’ll use myself as an example.

When I’m met with a particularly stressful situation—say, an argument or confrontation—my instinctive reaction is to shut down or dissociate. On the surface, that can look like calm or withdrawal, but underneath it’s a learned response. Earlier in my life, I learned very quickly that drawing attention to myself often made things worse. Staying quiet, disappearing emotionally, and not reacting felt safer. It was my way of trying to avoid the stress of the situation altogether.

At the time, it made sense. It worked in the short term.

But over time, that coping mechanism came at a cost. It meant I didn’t stand up for myself. It meant my needs went unspoken. It meant resentment built quietly beneath the surface.

This is the kind of awareness I’m talking about.

It’s not just noticing that I shut down. It’s understanding why I do. It’s seeing the original purpose behind the behavior, even when that behavior no longer serves me. And when we can do that—when we can hold the emotion, the reaction, and the context together—we gain clarity instead of shame.

This is why awareness matters so much.

When we understand why we feel the way we feel, and why we respond the way we respond, we stop seeing ourselves as broken. We start seeing ourselves as patterned. And patterns, once identified, can be worked with.

Awareness bridges the gap between language and action. It turns feelings into information. It slows the moment down just enough for choice to become possible.

Without awareness, we repeat.
With awareness, we understand.
And that understanding is what makes meaningful action possible later on.

Action: Turning Insight into Change That Actually Sticks

So now we have language for our inner landscape and awareness of the context beneath it. The next question becomes: Now what do we do with this information?

This is where action comes in.

Action is about making the first step toward breaking old patterns and cycles—but not just any action. What we’re ultimately aiming for is meaningful change. Change that is healthier and more supportive than what came before. Change that doesn’t collapse under pressure or disappear after a few good days. This is why action has to be intentional.

In my writing, when I talk about action, the very first thing I emphasize is specificity. Because being vague is the killer of any good goal. Vagueness keeps us disconnected from what we’re actually trying to do. When an intention is unclear, it’s easy to abandon. It’s hard to commit to something you can’t clearly name.

So action starts with being well defined. This is where frameworks like SMART goals become useful

Specific: Clearly naming what you want to do. Remember, vague intentions are easy to abandon. Specific actions give your nervous system something concrete to engage with.

Measurable: Knowing what “different” actually looks like. Sometimes that means a number. Sometimes it means a felt sense in the body. Sometimes it means realizing you responded differently than you would have before. Measurement isn’t about performance—it’s about recognition.

Attainable: Choosing something that fits your current capacity and life circumstances. Stretch is healthy. Overwhelm is not.

Relevant: Making sure the action actually aligns with your values and the change you want to create. If it doesn’t matter to you, it won’t last.

Timely : Giving the action a realistic timeframe. Not as pressure, but as structure, something that helps intention become practice.

These elements help transform a loose idea into something we can actually engage with in real life.

But clarity alone isn’t enough.

Action also has to be sustainable. We have to choose something we can do consistently, because change doesn’t happen overnight. Habits don’t form overnight. What we’re really working toward is habit, not effort. Habit is where things become easier and action no longer requires constant mental energy. It becomes something we do almost automatically.

We don’t start by tackling the biggest, most overwhelming version of change. We start with something manageable. Something that fits inside the life we’re actually living.

For example, maybe the first action isn’t “never lose your temper again.” Maybe it’s noticing when your temper flares and taking three deep breaths before responding. That’s it, that’s the action. Then you practice that consistently. Over time, it becomes familiar and easier. Eventually, you don’t have to remind yourself to do it.

Then (and only then) do you stack the next step.

This is where habit mapping comes into play. Instead of focusing only on the end goal, we break it down into smaller, more accessible steps. We create a path we can actually walk, rather than an ideal we constantly fall short of. This is what action looks like when it’s informed by language and awareness.

We’re no longer reacting blindly. We’re no longer forcing ourselves into change through pressure or shame. We’re using what we’ve named and what we’ve understood to build outcomes that are stronger, healthier, and more supportive over time.

This is how insight becomes embodiment.
This is how reflection becomes movement.
This is how real change begins.

Language gives us the words.
Awareness gives us the context.
Action gives us the way forward.

When these three work together, change stops feeling like something we have to force and starts feeling like something we can participate in. We’re no longer reacting blindly or repeating the same cycles out of habit. We’re responding with intention, clarity, and care.

This is the work I’ve been building toward across all of these paths. Not quick fixes or urface-level insight. But a way of working with yourself that honors your inner landscape, understands its history, and supports real, sustainable movement forward.

So here’s my invitation to you.

If it feels supportive, I’d love for you to share in the comments:

• A SMART action you’re working with right now, or

• Something you’ve recently named or become aware of that shifted how you see yourself, or

• Even just one word that describes what you’re noticing after reading this.

There’s no right way to respond. Share only what feels safe and true for you.

Change doesn’t begin with doing more.
It begins with understanding differently.

From that place, even the smallest step counts.