The Power of Small Shifts: Why Motivation Starts with Meaning
We all love the idea of a fresh start. New Year, new you. The vision boards, the meal plans, the gym memberships. It feels like this time will be different. But come the second Friday of January, aka “Quitter’s Day,” many of us find ourselves sitting on the kitchen floor, spoon-deep in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, wondering why we just can’t seem to make the change stick.
It’s not that we’re lazy. It’s not that we don’t want it badly enough. It’s that we’re trying to change without aligning our goals with the three pillars of sustainable motivation:
Our personal values
Our environment
Our expectations
Let’s break these down.
1. Values: The Fuel Behind Motivation
Here’s the truth: if a goal doesn’t truly matter to you, you won’t stay with it. Not when life gets hard. Not when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or pulled in six directions.
Take me, for example. I would love to exercise more. But right now, I value my PhD work, writing, and content creation more than I value hitting the treadmill. That’s not a failure, it’s clarity. This clarity allows me to be intentional with how I spend my time. It also helps me to feel less guilty when I have spent all day behind a computer writing my blog, making social media posts, and adding to my study proposal.
We often skip this step. We set goals based on what we think we should do (eat better, move more, write the book, be more productive) but never stop to ask: Do I actually value this? Or am I just absorbing someone else’s expectation?
Your values are not just personal. They’re shaped by your culture, family, relationships, and worldview. Sometimes, your goals are in direct conflict with the deeper programming you've inherited. Are you chasing someone else’s idea of success? Are you setting goals from a place of shame, guilt, or comparison? If so, your motivation will wither the moment life gets hard.
To truly understand whether a goal aligns with your values, it helps to examine the layers that construct them:
Family & Inner Circle Values
These are the messages you grew up with or absorbed from those closest to you. They can show up in statements like:
“Hard work means long hours.”
“Rest is lazy.”
“You need to be successful to be loved.”
These internalized beliefs can run the show without us even realizing it. You might say you value health but if your family modeled hustle culture and skipped meals, it may feel “wrong” to slow down and eat mindfully, even if it’s what you want.
Social & Cultural Values
These are the broader messages from your community, culture, or society. They often come in the form of norms, media, or shared ideals:
“Thin is better.”
“Success means money and status.”
“Mothers should sacrifice everything for their children.”
These values are tricky because they can feel like truth when they’re really just repeated messages. If you’re trying to live more intuitively but constantly see influencers glorifying grind culture, you may feel conflicted, torn between what your soul needs and what the world praises.
Personal View Values
These are the values that emerge when you slow down and ask, What truly matters to me?
They sound like:
“I want to feel good in my body, not shrink it.”
“I value peace more than productivity.”
“Joy matters just as much as achievement.”
This is where clarity lives. These are the values that give your goals longevity, because they’re rooted in your truth, not someone else’s template.
When your goals reflect your personal values, not the ones handed to you, they begin to nourish you instead of drain you. They feel like home. And they’re much more likely to stick.
This is why so many people struggle with resolutions. The goal doesn’t match the value. When it does, motivation becomes renewable.
Ask yourself: Do I truly care about this, or do I just feel like I should?
2. Environment: Make the Right Choice the Easy One
Motivation isn’t just willpower. It’s design.
You can have the clearest intentions and strongest desires but if your surroundings are set up to support your old patterns, you’ll default to them every time. Not because you’re weak, but because your brain is wired for efficiency.
If the cookies are front and center on the counter while the fruit is buried in the crisper drawer… guess what you’re reaching for at 9 p.m.?
If your sneakers are tucked away in the back of the closet and your cute-but-painful shoes are at the front door, you’re not taking the stairs, you’re taking the elevator.
If your phone is your alarm clock, your day probably starts with social media noise instead of intention.
We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.
Your environment is your system.
This is where intentionality comes in.
When you’re trying to form a new habit or live in alignment with a goal, your environment has to reflect that change. Ask yourself:
Does my space support the behavior I want to build?
What’s in my line of sight?
What’s easy to reach?
What feels like a friction point?
Even subtle shifts can make a difference. Prepping your journal and a pen next to your bed. Setting out your walking shoes and water bottle the night before. Organizing your pantry so the nourishing options are visible first.
Here’s the truth:
At first, it will take effort. Your brain won’t love it. It prefers familiar, energy-efficient loops. But the more you repeat the new behavior, and the more you prime your space to support it, the easier it becomes. Familiarity is comfort, but comfort can be re-trained.
Eventually, the fruit on the counter becomes the default snack.
The shoes by the door become an invitation.
The open journal becomes a ritual instead of a resolution.
The environment you build becomes the behavior you embody.
So take a moment. Look around.
Is this space designed for the version of you you’re becoming or the version you’re trying to outgrow?
If it’s the latter…no shame. Just information. Now you know where to begin.
3. Stretch, Don’t Snap: Finding the Sweet Spot Between Real and Ideal
Sometimes, without realizing it, we build our goals like we’re writing a script for someone else to star in.
The version of us who never skips a workout.
The version who loves meal prepping and color-coded calendars.
The one who wakes up early, never loses her temper, and always has the energy for one more thing.
We imagine her clearly and then try to force ourselves to be her. But here’s the thing:
That version of you? She’s a vision, not a villain.
She’s aspirational but she’s not in charge.
Because the you that’s here, right now, navigating real-life deadlines, messy emotions, limited spoons, and noisy households—is the one actually doing the work. She deserves goals built for her. We think motivation is about how badly we want it but the real secret is in how well we build it.
There is a delicate balance between challenge and attainability., where we want to be and where we are.
If a goal isn’t challenging, we get bored. It feels like we’re not progressing.
If a goal isn’t attainable, we burn out. We feel like we’re failing before we even begin.
When we make a goal for where we want to be, we don’t honor where we are. We set the bar too high and, after a while of trying to reach it, we give up.
So what’s the sweet spot?
It’s that walk that gets your heart rate up but doesn’t leave you limping the next day.
It’s swapping your afternoon soda for sparkling water not cutting every indulgence cold turkey.
It’s journaling for five minutes while your coffee brews instead of expecting a 90-minute morning ritual.
These small, thoughtful shifts add up especially when they’re aligned with who you really are right now.
Real Self vs. Ideal Self: Who’s Setting the Goal?
This is the hardest, and most powerful part of change.
We all carry two versions of ourselves:
The Real Self: The version of you that exists in this moment. With your current energy, schedule, responsibilities, and emotional landscape.
The Ideal Self: The version of you that’s been curated in your mind. She’s fit, balanced, radiant, accomplished, endlessly motivated… and somehow has more hours in her day.
Here’s the catch: most of us set goals from the perspective of the ideal self. When the real self can’t keep up, we feel like failures. But you’re not a failure. You’re just not her. Not yet.
Being honest about where you are today is not weakness, it’s strategy because only from truth can we build something that lasts.
So how do you tell the difference?
Ask yourself:
Does this goal feel exciting or obligatory?
Am I trying to earn worth or honor it?
Would I still pursue this if no one saw me do it?
Am I making this change for me, or for someone else’s approval?
Self-concept isn’t static. It’s built and shaped over time through your values, your past experiences, your relationships, and your aspirations.
And when your self-concept is rooted in who you are rather than who you think you’re supposed to be, you’re finally free to grow from a place of wholeness, not lack.
Remember:
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You don’t need to “fix” yourself to be worthy of care, rest, or joy.
You just need to start where you are.
With goals that stretch you but don’t break you.
With intentions that grow with you not against you.
Ask yourself: Is this goal based on who I am today or who I wish I were already?
The Motivation Formula
Lasting motivation = Values alignment + Supportive environment + Attainable expectations
If any one of those is missing, you’ll find yourself slipping into old patterns, not because you’re broken, but because your system is incomplete.
Want to test this for yourself?
Reflective Exercise: Aligning Your Goal with What Actually Works
Take a moment to think about a goal you’ve struggled to achieve. Maybe it’s one you’ve revisited over and over—always with the best of intentions, but never quite making it stick.
This isn’t about blame or failure. This is about getting honest—so you can get strategic.
Now, ask yourself:
Does this goal align with what I truly value right now?
Not what you wish you valued. Not what others think you should value. What matters most to you in this current season of life?
What parts of your life are getting your energy, attention, and care?
What do you protect time for even when things get busy?
Are you setting this goal because it feels authentic, or because it feels expected?
If your goal doesn’t line up with your current values, motivation will fade fast.
Ask: Can I adjust this goal so it honors what I actually care about?
Is my environment set up to support this goal or sabotage it?
Look around you. Your environment is quietly influencing your choices all day long.
Is the healthy food easy to grab, or buried in the crisper drawer?
Are your sneakers by the door or still in a gym bag under a pile of laundry?
Is your journal on the nightstand or is your phone winning the bedtime battle?
Your habits are shaped by what’s visible, accessible, and easy to engage with.
Ask: What can I shift in my space to make the desired behavior the default behavior?
Are my expectations for myself realistic and sustainable?
This is where the ideal self often takes over, creating a version of success that requires you to be a totally different person with limitless time and energy.
But here’s the truth:
The real you, the one juggling work, family, fatigue, and real emotions, needs to be the one your goals are built for.
Does this goal make space for your current responsibilities?
Is the timeline doable without burning you out?
Will this goal still make sense on your hardest day?
Challenge can be motivating. But if the goal isn’t attainable, it becomes punishment.
Ask: What’s the sweet spot between stretch and sustainability?
Is this goal for the real me or the fantasy me?
If you feel stuck, it may be time to gently revise your goal, your plan, or your pace. Not because you’re weak, but because you’re wise enough to adjust instead of abandon.
Use these prompts to realign:
What can I simplify without losing purpose?
How can I better support myself in following through?
Where am I trying to become someone I’m not, instead of becoming more of who I am?
Ready to Go Deeper?
My Breaking the Cycle journal workbook is designed to help you walk through this process step by step. It’s gentle, insightful, and rooted in real-world change, not fantasy.
You can find it in the Workshops and Offerings section of my site.
Final Thoughts
Change isn’t about flipping a switch. It’s about rewiring a path and that takes time, intention, and grace.
Every small step you take is a signal to your nervous system, your mindset, your identity:
This is who I’m becoming.
You don’t need a perfect morning routine, a color-coded plan, or the motivation of a superhero.
You just need honesty, alignment, and the courage to begin where you are.
Let that be enough, for today, and for the next right step after that.
Because real transformation doesn’t come from pushing harder.
It comes from building smarter.
It comes from rooting change in who you actually are.
And when that happens?
The shift is no longer a struggle.
It becomes a coming home.
References
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Stone, Allan, and Nicole San Roman. “The “Why” Matters: Setting Successful Goals.” UNM HSC Newsroom, 2024, hscnews.unm.edu/news/setting-successful-goals.
Taylor, Jim. “Personal Growth: Your Values, Your Life.” Psychology Today, 7 May 2012, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/201205/personal-growth-your-values-your-life.
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