Wanting It Isn’t Enough (A gentle invitation to choose your values, not just name your pain)
If you’ve been following along for a while, you know this hasn’t been a blog so much as a breadcrumb trail. A winding path through emotion, memory, resistance, and return. And if you’re just joining me now, welcome. You’re stepping into the middle of something deeply human.
We’ve covered a lot already, maybe more than most would dare to in such a short time. We began with the tension between authenticity and the world’s relentless push to put us back into boxes, the struggle worth fighting for. We explored what happens when you don’t fit in, and the courage it takes to live fully as yourself, even when it means facing adversity. We challenged the lie of toxic positivity, and we peeled back the layers of how anxiety hijacks even our best-laid plans.
From there, we turned inward, into the places where swallowed feelings sit heavy and unspoken, stealing our breath. We mapped out the doshas, one by one, not as abstract theory, but as living energies worthy of honor. We talked about what it means to not be a problem to fix, to see imbalance not as a flaw but as a signal calling us home. I laid out the terrain of Ayurvedic care and how small, intentional shifts can create real momentum, even in seasons of grief and fatigue.
We stepped into the paradox of growth, how it sometimes feels like loss. I told you the story of waking up in a life I hadn’t yet escaped, naming the ache that rises when the vision we hold doesn't match the ground beneath our feet.
Then came rest. Silence. Space.
We honored what it means to be disconnected, not as failure, but as a call to realign. We checked in on the heartbreak of watching people refuse the help they asked for, and we remembered that sacred silence often does more than noise ever could. We explored the deep impact we have even when we think we’re invisible. Then, the next step: The Path Unfolds As I Walk It, a reminder that we don’t need to have it all figured out to keep going.
Most recently, we began something new. A series or a reclamation I call The Gospel of the Dark Feminine, the start of a bold return to ourselves, our voice, our rage, and our truth.
That brings me here. To this moment. To this next thread I feel tugging at the hem of your heart and mine, the quiet, persistent question:
What happens after we name the pain?
What if awareness isn't the endpoint?
What if clarity isn't enough?
What if the next step… is choice?
We all have those quiet longings we carry, tucked between the lines of our to-do lists, whispered in moments of stillness, or blurted out in frustration when life doesn't look the way we imagined. We say we want change. We say we’re tired of the chaos, the overwhelm, the weight (emotional or otherwise). We name our exhaustion, our stuckness, our dissatisfaction. And then… we do nothing with it.
Not because we’re weak. Not because we’re broken. But because it’s easier to talk about the pain than it is to move through it.
At a certain point, though, naming the pain becomes its own kind of trap. We tell the same stories over and over again to our friends, our therapists, our journals and yet nothing shifts. Awareness becomes a substitute for action. Complaints masquerade as transformation. We start to confuse venting with growth.
The truth is, longing isn’t the same as choosing. And until we’re willing to make new choices, nothing really changes.
You Can’t Skip the Part Where You Decide
Here’s something we rarely talk about in self-help spaces: not everything we say we want is something we’re actually willing to choose. You can want to feel better, to look different, to have a more peaceful life. But if you're not making time for the practices, boundaries, or changes that would make that possible, then it’s time to ask a harder question:
Do I want this thing, or do I just want to want it?
It’s a brutal reckoning, I know. But here’s the thing, there is so much freedom on the other side of honesty. When you stop pretending you value something just because society says you should — and start aligning with what actually matters to you. You reclaim your power.
Maybe you don’t care about having a six-pack. Maybe your sanity matters more than spotless baseboards. Maybe you don’t want to climb the corporate ladder. Maybe you’re just tired. That’s allowed. You’re allowed to want what you want. You’re also allowed to not want what you don’t. But be honest. Don’t chase goals that don’t belong to you. Don’t punish yourself for outcomes you never actually chose. And please don’t spend your precious energy feeling guilty for not “achieving” something that you never really valued in the first place.
What You Choose Tells the Truth
We often think of values as abstract, these lofty ideals we write in our journals or talk about in workshops. But your real values are not what you say; they are what you do. They show up in your calendar, your spending, your relationships, your energy. If you say you value wellness but skip every opportunity to rest or nourish yourself, that’s information. If you claim you value presence but are constantly overstimulated and overscheduled, that’s information. If you dream of writing a book but never carve out even ten minutes to put pen to paper… that’s information too.
This isn’t a call to shame. It’s a call to clarity.
Sometimes what we value in theory is simply not what we’re choosing in practice and until those two things align, we will feel the friction. That friction is not failure. It’s an invitation.
Your Brain Will Fight You So Expect It
Even when you do start choosing what matters, don’t expect it to feel easy. The brain is built for survival, not transformation. It loves routine. It clings to comfort. It registers change, even good change, as potential danger. So when you start showing up differently, your brain may interpret it as a threat. It will whisper, “Why are you doing this to me?” It will reach for the dopamine hit of scrolling, the safety of procrastination, the thrill of chaos. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your biology is working exactly as designed. True transformation often begins in discomfort. Like the caterpillar who turns into complete goo inside the chrysalis before emerging as something new, you may have to surrender to the mess before the clarity comes. That middle place, where nothing is certain and everything feels unfamiliar, is where the magic happens. But only if you stay in it long enough to let the metamorphosis occur.
So Here’s Your Invitation
Let this be a season of choosing. Of getting honest about what you actually want, what you’re truly ready for, and what you're finally willing to release.
Ask yourself:
What have I been holding onto not because I value it, but because I think I should? Be real here…we all are told what we should value but we don’t personally value it. We want that cake over being skinny.
What do I say I want, but never make time for?
What goals, standards, or expectations am I ready to lay down? Especially those that we don’t want but hold onto because we are told to want them.
What am I finally ready to choose, not just name? This is the thing you want to become action not just words.
You don’t need another productivity hack or another self-improvement plan. You need clarity. You need alignment. You need to stop lying to yourself about what matters.
Because once you stop pretending, you can finally begin.
