Your Story Explains You, It Doesn’t Excuse You

(Don’t have time to read…click play to listen!)

One of the things I both love and hate about social media is the memories. You know the ones. “On this day…” and suddenly you’re pulled back into a moment you may or may not have been thinking about. Sometimes it’s something small and insignificant, like what you had for dinner or a random post you made years ago. But other times, it’s something much heavier. Something that carries weight. For me, there are dates that always stand out.

• March 22, 2017: the day I lost my husband to cancer.

• May 1, 2008: the day I was in an accident during my time in the military that left me hospitalized and ultimately disabled.

• May 16: the day my child was born.

There are so many more moments layered in between, each one shaping something in me, whether I realized it at the time or not. And that’s really where awareness begins. Because what I’ve come to understand is that these moments didn’t just happen and disappear. They stayed and shaped how I move through the world, how I respond to situations, how I view safety, structure, time, and even myself. My military background shows up in my need for structure and discipline, sometimes to a fault. My accident taught me to slow down, but it also left behind patterns of limitation that I have had to learn how to navigate. Losing my husband forced me to confront how quickly life can change, how suddenly a story can end. The experiences I had as a child, particularly the years of abuse, still show up in the way I move through certain environments, in the way I assess safety, and in the way I interact with people I don’t yet trust. None of this is random. It’s all part of my story and the same is true for you. Your story matters. It has meaning. It explains why you are the way you are today. The way you think, the way you react, the habits you’ve built, and the patterns you repeat didn’t from nowhere. It was learned, experienced, adapted to, and reinforced over time.

But here is the shift that has to happen. Your story explains you. It does not excuse you. This is where awareness becomes more than just a concept. Because by definition, awareness is a noun. It’s something we have, something we gain, and something we come into. But in practice, awareness is also a verb. It is something we actively engage in. Awareness is realizing the things that influence how we think, react, and move through the world. It is the ability to pause and make a conscious decision in the moment rather than defaulting to habit. It is being mindful of the people we surround ourselves with, the environments we place ourselves in, and the situations we continue to engage in. Perhaps most importantly, awareness is understanding our story. Understanding where we came from, what we experienced, and how those experiences shaped us so that we can recognize how that story is showing up in our present. Not to erase it, and not to deny it, but to make a conscious choice about whether we carry it with us into the future. Because this is where people get stuck. They become aware of their story, and instead of using that awareness as a tool, they use it as a reason.

“This is just how I am.”
“This is what happened to me.”
“This is why I can’t change.”

And while those statements may be true in part, they are incomplete.

Yes, your story shaped you.
Yes, your experiences influenced you.
But you are still responsible for what you do with that awareness now.

And this is where we begin to put awareness into practice. This is where the ROOT method comes in.

Before we move into the next part of this, I want to say something about how this is structured. You may notice that this piece is shorter than what I typically write, and that’s intentional. Because this work isn’t something you move through quickly. It’s something you work with. The ROOT method is not meant to be read straight through and checked off like a list. Each part asks something different of you, and each part requires space to sit with it, to think about it, and to begin noticing how it shows up in your own life. So as you move through this, I want to invite you to:

Pause

Step away

Come back to it.

This isn’t about getting through the content. It’s about engaging with it. Because as we move deeper into awareness, and eventually into action, there will be less to explain and more to practice.

We start with Reflect.

Reflect is not about blame. It is not about assigning fault or determining who was right and who was wrong. Reflect is about understanding. It is about looking back at your experiences with a sense of curiosity and detachment, rather than judgment. Imagine watching your life as though it were a movie on a screen. You are not stepping back into the moment. You are observing it. You are allowing yourself to see clearly what happened, how it impacted you, and what patterns may have formed as a result.

Let’s start there. Grab a pen and paper or open a document on your phone, notebook, or computer. Whatever you have that you can journal with.

• Think about a habit, a reaction, or a pattern in your life that doesn’t quite fit you anymore. Something that feels automatic. Something you do, say, or fall into without really thinking about it, but that you know, on some level, isn’t serving you the way it once did.

  • Just choose one.

• Instead of trying to fix it or change it, simply begin to observe it.

  • When does it show up?

  • What does it look like when it happens?

  • How do you feel in those moments?

• From there, begin to trace it back.

  • Where did this come from?

  • When do you remember first responding this way?

  • Was it something you learned? Something you adapted to? Something you needed at one point in time?

• Let yourself follow that thread without forcing an answer.

You may not land on one single moment, and that’s okay. What matters here is not finding a perfect explanation. What matters is beginning to see that this pattern didn’t come from nowhere, it developed. As you sit with that, notice what shifts, not in your behavior yet, but in your understanding. This is where awareness begins to take shape.

From there, we move into Open.

Open is where we begin to loosen the grip of what we think is fixed. Because once you can see where something came from, the next step is allowing yourself to consider that it doesn’t have to stay that way. This is where I want you to give yourself permission to explore. Not to decide, not to commit, but simply to imagine. So take that same pattern, that same habit you just reflected on, and stay with it. Now, instead of looking back, begin to look forward.

• What would happen if nothing changed?

• If you kept this pattern exactly as it is, where would it take you?

• How would it continue to show up in your life?

Just notice that, without judgment. Then, gently shift.

• What would happen if you changed it?

Not how you would change it. Not what steps you would take. Just the possibility of change itself.

• What might feel different?

• What might open up for you?

And then expand even further.

• What if you didn’t have to choose all or nothing?

• What if you could keep parts of this pattern that once served you, and release the parts that no longer do?

• What might that look like?

Let yourself sit in that space for a moment, the space where multiple possibilities can exist at the same time. Because Open is not about finding the right answer. It’s about recognizing that you are not limited to the one you’ve been living in. As you sit with that, notice what comes up for you. Not what you think you should do, but what feels possible. Because this is where awareness begins to shift from understanding the past to imagining something different.

Then we move into Organize.

Now we move into Organize. This is where we begin to ground all of those possibilities into something real. Because while Open allows us to explore what could be, Organize asks us to consider what is realistic for us right now. Not in a limiting way, but in an honest one. There are always things at play in our lives such as our current capacity, our responsibilities, the environments we’re in, the people we’re connected to. These are not barriers meant to stop us. They are part of the landscape we are working within. Awareness includes being able to see that clearly.

So come back to what you just explored. All of those possibilities, all of those different directions you could take. Now gently begin to narrow your focus.

• Given where you are right now, what feels doable?

  • Not ideal.

  • Not perfect.

  • Not everything all at once.

  • Just doable.

• What is one shift that feels like something you could realistically follow through on?

• What fits within your current capacity, rather than pushing you past it?

• What respects your responsibilities, your energy, and the environment you’re in?

Let yourself be honest here. Because this isn’t about proving something to yourself. It’s about setting yourself up for something that can actually stick.

You don’t need to change everything.

You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You just need to choose a direction that you can begin to move in, without overwhelming yourself in the process.

Sometimes, that direction is small. Sometimes it’s simply becoming more aware of when the pattern shows up. Sometimes it’s choosing a different response once, instead of every time. That is still movement. That is still change and that is where awareness begins to turn into something you can work with, day to day.

And finally, we come to Tell.

Tell is what makes it real. When you keep something in your head, it remains flexible. It remains optional. But when you say it out loud, when you write it down, or when you share it with someone you trust, it takes form. It becomes something you can see, something you can return to, something that holds you accountable. Whether that is speaking it to yourself, writing it in a journal, or sharing it with a friend, a therapist, or a coach, telling it brings it into existence in a way that thought alone cannot.

This is where the shift happens.

This is what awareness looks like in practice. Not just understanding your story, but deciding what you are going to do with it. And that does not mean you have to change everything today. It does not mean you have to have all the answers right now. But it does mean you have to be honest, honest about what shaped you, honest about how it is showing up, and honest about whether you are ready to keep carrying it forward in the same way.

Because awareness is not just something you gain. It is something you practice.